The Pretty Pink Poo Diaries
You did indeed read that correctly.
here is my tale of woe;
a very indulgent Grandmother meets MPJ's broken ribs
equals one chubby little terrier...
Here is what happens when you spend a month being babysat by your 81 year old treat-giving Granny Jess (GJ loves me) in the middle of winter:
Far too many snacks and no where near enough long walks.
Going back to Europe to have Christmas with her children hardly musters as an excuse.
I mean really (incredulous voice) - how could she leave me??
She got the Freezing-Cold-Shoulder the moment she got back, let me tell you.
In no uncertain terms I let her know how miffed I was feeling.
I mean, ok (begrudging voice) I know she did not want to put me through the stress of the super-scary-stuck-in-the-evil-crate-in-the-hold for 9 hours transatlantic flight.
Anyway, jet lag is for the birds - once was enough. The next time I ever get on a transatlantic is when we are going home for good...
And GJ does give @moochalada Gold Star Best Back Scritches (she has long nails! Heck Ya) so there was a measure of compensation.
I was left behind to feast on treats and revel in back scritches.
And she bought me a squeaky squirrel toy!!!!
Beats scary-plane any day.
Uhhmmm, so where was I? Ohh yeah, enter stage right, MPJ - but she is BROKEN.
Man, I had no idea My Pet could feel so absolutely miserable.
I had to stop being mad at her pretty quick and I had to do super-doggie-healing-powers, lying beside her for days on end, as she couldn't move with the pain of her broken ribs.
As days turned into weeks...
it took fully 2 months before she was back to full mobility.
Well, you've seen the evidence - I turned into a right rolly-poly.
A proper little fattie-bom-battie.
MPJ started calling me the Munchalada Chunkalada.
Which frankly is just mean!
(it's Moochalada Chickolada Thank You Very Much)
She's the one who couldn't walk me enough.
Going for walks with someone taking baby steps and gasping like a steam engine isn't much fun you know.
So, here's ANOTHER confession. Did you know that dogs can be allergic to fleas?
Well I am.
Like, as in go to the Animal Hospital for intravenous cortizone shots when I get bit by those pesky little critters.
So, as it happens we'd run out of my prescription flea meds (man, they really do work) so we went off to the vet (check out who's the favourite with the girls in the office), and I had to be weighed to get the dose for my meds.
I'm pretty embarrassed by this bit.
I porked-in at fully 15 lbs.
That's 6.8 kilos!
So, not to put too fine a point on it, I weighed in as 'clinically obese'.
My BMI is way out of range. It should be between 84 - 95. I whopp in at 105.
Boy, you should have heard MPJ ream out GJ!
(Let's not be too hard on GJ. She really loves me and just wants me to be happy.
It has to be said, she is a proper sucker for when I turn on the big round disks of blatantly begging eyes - she just can't resist me!)
Enter Stage Left...
The Pretty Pink Poo Diet
Pink Poo is what happens when you eat enough beetroot!
And here's what happens when MPJ goes all internet on me
and comes up with my new 'slimming' diet.
And who knew - it's actually not too bad.
I mean, OK, so I have to eat my way through all those vegetables
just to get to the chicken bits,
but, all-in-all, I actually really like it.
And guess who has already lost 15 ounces!